“I wish I was in the waiting room with a cigar right now”
“How can I get some sleep?”
“I should be doing more.”
“I’m useless”
“Look at her face, not her vagina”
“That’s the biggest thing I’ve ever seen!” (upon seeing the head for the first time)
“Don’t say the wrong thing or the nurses will get mad at me”
“I’m so proud of her!”
“How is she so happy right now?” (when it was over)
Parenting for Real 